Chester A Bum Reviews: Northwest Mansion Mystery
by GojiraCipher
Summary: Season 2 episode 10 of Gravity Falls. Read Chester's review of Dipper and Pacifica's quest to stop the ghost and that's all I'm saying. Contains spoilers. Check out more on my deviantart page.


**And now it's time for Bum Reviews, with Chester A. Bum.**

**Tonight's Review: 'Northwest Mansion Mystery' from Gravity Falls**

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"Oh my God! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! Oh, I mean episode … of the greatest show I've ever seen in my life!"

"Who you gonna call? SPOILERS"

"There's these rich people who were complaining to their daughter about wearing a green dress. Which I don't see the problem. I don't have nice clothes at all, nor a party dress!"

"But then their rich furniture came to life and started attacking their owners."

"Rebellion!"

"So the rich girl named Pacifier goes to Dipper, who doesn't look like those dots in the sky. And he was like"

'You're mean'

"and Pacifier was like."

'I'll let your sister and her friends in.'

"And Dipper's sister named Syrup was like."

'DO IT!'

"So they go to the really big house that can easily fit me in there, and Pacifier brought Dipper Dots to PETA's nightmare."

'Go beat up that ghost, nerd.'

'Oh you mean mean rich girl.'

'Kiss me, I mean look out a ghost!'

"So then all the stuffed animals began bleeding ….. and speaking Satan words ….. while this … flaming black skeleton with an … axe in his skull …. Crawled out of the fire place and grew flesh ….. which turned to this one-eyed lumberjack with a fire beard and another axe ready to chop Pacifier ….. hold on one second."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"So this DISNEY show allowed a psycho killing ghost to chase the kids. And the only way to stop him is a silver mirror."

'Let's use that mirror there to save our lives!'

'No, you track mud in that room. My parents will kill me!'

'Woah …. Literally?'

'Rich parents are perfection Nazis. You ever noticed that?'

"So then they found a secret room behind a painting with old stuff that will look nice in my tuna can home. After thinking they're safe, the ghost found them!"

'I'm gonna kill you, Northwest!'

'But she's not a direction.'

"Then Dipper Dots found another silver mirror and blocked the ghost attack, catching him forever and causing the two kids to go through the window. Then Pacifier gave Dipper Dots an in-the-moment hug and the shippers where like"

'YAY! DIPPER DOTS AND PACIFIER!'

'LONG LIVE THIS DAY!'

'THIS PAIRING SUCKS!'

'BRING BACK WENDY!'

'YOU SUCK!'

'NO YOU SUCK!'

'NERRRRRR! NERRRRRR!'

"So the rich parents thanked Dipper Dots and Pacifier wanted him to stay for the party."

'Sorry, I totally got cool ghost banishing thing to do. Ignore my open fly and sweaty armpits, and this bird poop on my shoulder and the clown make-up. I'm totally smooth.'

"But as Dipper left, the lumberjack ghost told him all about his story."

'Rich people lied. They promised that less rich folks will be invited, but they lied and kept us out for the last hundreds of years.'

'Dude, that was just their ancestors, and you tried to kill a kid.'

"So Dipper Dots came back and told them that he learned that they lied to him."

'Dipper Dots, I didn't mean to but-'

'Enough, daughter. I'll shoo away this less rich person before he ruins the economy.'

"Then Dipper Dots leaves and Pacifier became sad."

'Oh Dipper Dots, you're the only closest thing I have for a shipment.'

'DIPPER DOTS X PACIFIER!'

'WENDY!'

'PACIFIER'

'CANDY!'

'MY ORIGINAL CHARACTER!'

'MABEL!' "What?"

"So Dipper Dots was going to banish Satan Claus, but got tricked into breaking the mirror."

'Boo, now that's seven years of bad luck!'

"So the ghost flew back to the mansion and turned all the rich people to wood and the only way to stop him is if a Northwest let the less rich people in. I wish I was the less rich!"

'Pacifier. Open the gates!'

'I can't, I found out my entire family are evil and I'm just like them.'

'Oh no you're not. You can choose your own path and-'

'KISS HER!'

'NO KISS WENDY!'

'KISS MEEEEEEEEE!'

"So Dipper Dots went to face the Lumberjack ghost, but got turned into wood! I was turned into wood once! Then I got termites and no woman wanted me since. I'm just kidding, they never wanted me anyway."

"So now Pacifier is the only one to save the day, but then her father said"

'Pacifier, I am your father.'

'Noooo, that's not true! That's impossible!'

'Search your feelings, you know it be true.'

"But then Pacifier was like."

'No, our name is false, or … sounded smarter in my head.'

"Pacifier opened the gates and let all the less rich people in! The ghost moved on, everyone cheered for joy, partied hard, and Dipper Dots and Pacifier became just friends."

'DIPIFIER DOT!'

"Also this professional wrestler girl got a phone number of a rich boy. If a professional wrestler girl can find love, why can't I?"

"This is Chester A ….. wait a minute, who's this?! An old prospector guy I can relate to!"

'Howdy Dipper Dots! The end of the world is coming tomorrow!'

'Tomorrow!? Eh, I'll deal with it tomorrow.'

"Then it foreshadowed that a floating pyramid Cyclops will be in the next episode. The end!"

"This is Chester A. Bum saying ….. Disney made this for a show on cable!?"

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**Actual thoughts**: (Me looking at Dipper x Pacifica fanfiction and fanarts about the episode) Must …. Resist … Daaaah!

"This has got to be the greatest episode so far. They've gone deeper into Pacifica's life and made her likeable for actual reasons more than the Golf War episode. I'm glad they're doing this with their other characters too like Wendy, Soos, and even Robbie-ish."

"The whole shipment thing. Well I heard that the creator, Alex Hirsch, is working on shipping them together. I still like the idea of Dipper and Wendy (when they get old enough) but I think they should explore into other possibilities, I'm warming up to this already. Just not Pinecest, uuugh. But nothing actually points out to any official feelings for one another. They're just friends. But I really hope Pacifica is involved in the next episode. … So much hype! ….. March 9th … I can't wait! No really, it's too long.


End file.
